“When do you get to accept it and deal with it?” – by Basma D.

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MRIs, LP procedure, blood tests, OCT, neurologist after neurologist, advice, types of medication, insurance coverage, tears, pep-talks.. breathe, breathe, breathe. 

This was my experience summed up into a few sentences but in reality what was a month of appointments and grieving felt like a lifetime. When do you get to process it? When do you get to accept it and deal with it? After everything goes silent? The hour before falling asleep when you’re laying in bed trying to make sense of the day you just had? 

It’s been 8 months since the diagnosis and I’d be lying if I said I’ve dealt with it gracefully, if anything I’m making it all worse for myself. No healthy diet, no exercise, alcohol consumption doubled. Do I feel sorry for myself? No, I don’t. Am I going to do something about this? Yes, eventually. In my own time, at my own pace. 

Reading the questions I had to answer to write this overwhelmed me which is why it took me over a month to put my thoughts onto paper. 

No, I don’t have a favorite diet, I don’t have a favorite book or products I’d like to recommend. I’m still trying to figure it all out, I’m still trying to cope. 

The answer I do have, the answer I’m confident with is my advice. Which is to allow yourself to take it all in, to walk at your own pace, to take in the emotions, the shock, and the confusion. These days and weeks of tests will move so quickly it won’t give you the time you need to absorb. This is your story, this doesn’t break you, what it does is give you a break from the day to day stresses of life and allow you to take a breath and begin your journey of self-betterment, to shift the focus on yourself. In some moments, this will be your blessing. But not now, not today, not while you grieve. 

Basma Darwich

Instagram: @basmadarwich